DISTOPEIAN SCRAPBOOK: Grunt

Grunt

Grunt walks in to tramp tea room . Members of staff are moving tables from in front of the stage. Grunt stands at the bar and looks around the room. Elizabeth looks up from the dj both and spots Grunt waiting at the bar. She dashes across the room to serve him. He orders a Mccarthy, a coffee with a shot of vodka and takes it over to a seat in the corner of the room. Behind him on the wall was a poster which reads

“Tramp's Christmas tea dance

The fingersmiths

Monet for nothing

sketches by Boz

with dj sets

hot flush

Christmas day

band start at 8:00pm

free entry before 7:00 ”

grunt takes a clickbord out of his bag and clicks through mug shots then through a series of  gynoids specifications. Grunt chucks the clickbord back in his bag .

The Fingersmiths enters the tea room the, three piece band cary their instruments over to the stage. Elsie The Fingersmiths bass player and vocalist leans on the dj both “hay Liz do you want us to set up for the sound check.” Elizabeth looks up from a bag of music on various formats. “ go ahead” Elsie looks over at grunt “whose that guy with the tattoo” Elizabeth stacks some cassettes by her tape deck “he's a bounty hunter he use to come in a lot when the otus factory was round the corner to catch people trying to jump planet” grunt nurses his drink and keeps an eye on the staff. he recognizes Elizabeth and marry but it was new stuff he was interested in. he was tracking down gynoids and a number of them had been found working minimum wage jobs. It was thought they were there to direct newly awaken gynoids to an underground collective. grunt was far from happy about his assignment for a start it was Christmas but Effecter holds the opinion that Christmas comes round once a metric year and not every 365 days. Every time a Christmas comes round the arguments start as to when Christmas is. as always it was the religious who are the most argumental. the Catholics insisted that it should fall once a solar year this is why in most Catholic house holds the crucifix is accompanied by an old fashioned clock.where as the pagan church of Christ believe Christmas should be celebrated on the winter solstice. Other like the quakers wanted to forget about Christmas stating that it had be come inseparable from greed. Marry walks over to Grunt's table with an ink pad and a small rubber stamp. “stamp your hand?” grunt holds out his hand “i like your new tattoo where did you get it done ?” “Tokyo” “oh so that's where you've been how was it?” “i got stabbed. then I got drunk, very drunk. then I woke up with this on my neck. I don't even know what it says” “well I hope you have a better time tonight” she stamps his hand leaving a blue, blurry smiley face on it. soon people start coming through the door  regular intervals. Grunt didn't really know were to start on this job he's use to tracking down scum bags. This thing he is hunting are not scum and  they don't leave a trail of piss off associates and victims to follow. Then a guy come in wearing a t-shirt with the anti gynids slogan “ I don't dream of electric sheep!” grunt walks over to him and offers to buy him a drink.

 As sketches by Boz start there last song Elsie scribbles a set list down on the back of three flyers and hands them  to her band mates. Elizabeth runs past them and in to the dj both. Elsie heads over to the bar to get in a round.

Grunt and his new friend sit at a table “thats her the redhead” Grunt slides his hand in to his bag and pulls out his ClickBord and checks the gynoids specifications again. he finds the ones with red hair. As far as he can tell from across the room her measurements matched that of a shipment of Ten gynoids that when missing from Felixstowe container port on root to a sewage treatment plant in Australia. He puts the ClickBord back and watches the redhead. Looking for any sines that she may not be human. “she is one of those things isn't she I knew she was” Grunt turns to the guy sharing his table “why are you still here” he looks a bit hurt then gets up and walks away. Grunt attention goes back to the redhead. Monet for nothing take to the stage. the crowd in front of the stage grows and block his view so Grunt sits back and enjoys his coffee.

Monet for nothing finish there last song and pack up there kit. The fingersmiths start setting up as soon as Monet for nothing are off. The music stops Elsie stands at the front of the stage with her bass “ hi we are the fingersmiths but I think most of you know that because we share a squat in Chelsea with hath of you” a group at the front of the crowd cheer “ so you will have herd as practicing this all week this is the story of peg leg joe” the band start playing

grunt gets up and goes to the bar he see the redhead slipping out the back door. he jumps over the bar and bursts out the back door she starts to run as soon as she sees him. He chases her through the streets. She was faster then him but not enough to lose him. She turns sharply into Waltham abbey tube station and jumps the gate. Grunt turns into the station and pauses for a second he heres her running down the escalator he jumps the gate and thunders down the escalator. At the bottom he step on to the platform and comes face to face with the gynoid “sorry I have to take you in” as he reaches for his handcuffs something hits him across the back of the head and he falls to the floor .the gynoid steps over grunts unconscious body and hug the almost identical gynoid  that had just hit grunt with a large spanner the only differences in appearance being shorter hair and a missing foot. “it good to see you joe”

grunt sits up holding his head. As the train pulls in at Haymarket Newcastle but at least it wasn't tokyo  and he only had a concussion and not a new tattoo

___________________________________________________________

happy Christmas everyone

and thank you for reading my blog

door 24: looking forward and back

tomorrow is the last day of blogmas and i will be posting up my next story so if you have time to day why not read some (or all ) of my storys from the parts year. and why not listen to the sound art mp3s from the last year at the same time
SoundArt6.mp3 SoundArt1.mp3
SoundArt2.mp3
SoundArt3 (unfinished).mp3
SoundArt4.mp3
SoundArt5.mp3
or hunchbakk's chistmass single
www.xmas.com.mp3

and here is a sneak peek at a tee i will be add to my shop in the new year

door 23 snow shoes

on Saturday my shoes committed suicide as i was walking in the snow. leaving  me walking home with the front of my foot exposed to the cold pavement and the sole that was meant to be between the front my foot and the pavement was left flapping a long side my foot. so until after Christmas i am forced to were my smart shoes which is to say my uncomfortable shoes which im guessing don't have much grip in the snow so lets hop the pavement are clear of ice and snow by Christmas

on the up side last time my shoes gave up me they tuned in to this cool piece of art

door 22:blogmass dinner

i have been move stuff round my room and try to make some space an haven't had time to do a so here are some links to help you with your blogmass dinner
http://www.wildmanwildfood.com/pages/recipes.htm#fox
http://www.pigeonwatch.co.uk/recipes.htm
http://www.mikewest.net/squirrel/recipes.html

or you could just have a turkey

don't forget your free hunkbakk mps3
SoundArt6.mp3 SoundArt1.mp3
SoundArt2.mp3
SoundArt3 (unfinished).mp3
SoundArt4.mp3
SoundArt5.mp3
www.xmas.com.mp3

door 21: scrapbook scraps3:Too cold for ice cream

too cold for ice cream

illustration: for this i use elements the illustration for Nickabocka glory the first  Tommy & Mike

brick wall,cctv camera and there cosmopolitan ice cream van

this home may be broken but it don't need fixing: this story adds to Emma daughter and Robin join the family two characters how i cut out of Nickabocka glory . Emma is Tommy & Mike little sister .i don't have the family back-story fully work out but emma was kick out when she got pregnant, Mike was kick out soon later (i don't know why yet) Tommy left home to help his brother and sister making family unit without there parents  

the man with the van: Tommy the oldest was helping Mike kick his dug problem in Nickabocka glory and we find he help Emma out when she got pregnant without a license and under age. in a part of the story i cut out because it don't fit right it was reveal Tommy was an Robin birth when Mike said to Robin that Tommy felt sick or i one version was sick when he first saw her and Tommy responded by say "no one need to see there sister in birthing stirrups.

brothers and sofas: in a story about  brother and sisters there is a nod to my brother in the form of the  stray sofas Tommy and Mike are pulling apart so Emma can sell the fabric on here market stall at the river rat boutique.

door 20: distopeian scrapbook:Too cold for ice cream

Too cold for ice cream

Mike walks to the back of the ice cream van and opens the door “Can I play in the snow uncle mike” said a small girl sitting cross legged on a red sofa wedged tight in the back of the van. Mike looks down at the grey slush. Tommy turns round in the drivers seat where he is putting a steering lock on the steering wheel “ no because you'll get dirty and have all the fun and we'll get yelled at by your mum” Mike takes a clamp out of the back of the van and  fits it to the left rear wheel. Tommy joins Mike at the back and they start pulling on the sofa “well can I play with your computer then uncle Mike” Robin looks over at the open laptop next to her on the sofa “not that one wait till we get in” Mike and Tommy put the sofa down on the pavement Robin waves at a CCTV camera hovering across the street and watches herself wave back on mike's laptop. Tommy closes and locks the back of the van. Tommy and Mike pick the sofa back up and Robin stands up on the sofa and jumps into a pile of  the grey slush sending it flying in all directions

The door to the flat opens and Mike enters backwood then Robin on the sofa followed by Tommy holding the other end of the sofa. “I'm cold” “that's because you jumped in the snow” replays Tommy “I'm wet” “I know” “I'm cold and wet and dirty and I need a wash” Tommy and Mike put the sofa down in the living room full of boxes of canned drinks. Tommy walks into the bath room. robin hops off the sofa and follows him. Tommy reaches into the shower tuns the knobs till the cold water becomes warm. He tuns to Robin “don't be too long we need you dry before your mum gets back” Tommy heads back into the living room. Mike hads the sofa upside down and is pulling staples out of the bottom “she going to be OK in there on her own?” “ yeah she'll be fine” Tommy didn't sound convinced but he thought a grown man washing a young girl was a bit wrong even if she is his niece. he starts helping Mike remove the upholstery.

Robin runs through the living room raped in a towel into the room she shers with her mum leaving wet foot prints behind her. Tommy goes to turn off the shower Robin marched back into the living room with a hair dryer “who wants to dry my hair” “give it hear” Mike holds out his hand to take the hair dryer. She holds the hair dryer close to the chest and looks at him with suspicion “can you do it like mummy does so I look pretty for Santa” “how would it be possible to mack you look ugly” she hands over the hair dryer

Robin and her mum Emma hadn't lived with Mike and Tommy long. Mike had got the flat using a new start grant from the GHS. It's not easy to get a new start grant there's a lot of paper work Mike wouldn't have been able to complete it while going through withdrawal but Tommy had filled out the forms before for Emma when she got pregnant without a license and under age but her application was unsuccessful when mike's application was successful it was agreed the they would use the grant for a deposit on the largest flat they could afford and Emma and Robin would move in with them once mike had completed his rehab program.

Emma opens the door to the flat and drops a box full of fabric “are you still up” Robin is  sitting cross legged on the floor moving a cartoon mouse round the screen of one of Mike's laptops. “she said she's too excited to sleep”  Tommy is pulling a nail out of the wooden carcass of the sofa. “she's got you two rapped round her little finger” Mike looks up from a  laptop he has in bits on the floor. ”I'm not rapped any round ones finger”  “go get the rest of my stuff out the car” “fine” Mike leaves the flat “now I think it's time you got to bed I'll be in to read you a story after I've helped uncle Mike unload the car” Emma heads back out the door and down the stairs.

They come back in ten minutes later and dump there boxes next to a pile of wood and red fabric. Emma goes into her bed room. Mike nods at Tommy and they head down the stairs. In the ice cream van Mike takes a box full of vegetables out of the freezer and parses them to Tommy. Then he opens the drinks fridge the glass door of which had been coverd with posters so Robin couldn't  see in and takes out a dead skinless fox.

“ have you got any idea how to cook that thing” Mike shrugs “I'm just going to wing it” Fox is not often eaten not because tastes bad but because it harder to catch then pigeons and squirrels. Mike and Tommy had set up a trap under the ice cream van in the hope of catching something special for Christmas and it work first time so they set it up the next night and once again they caught a fox. The first fox was saved for Christmas dinner the second the skinned  and sold to a friend with a burger van.

  Emma come out of her room the holding “the hungry hungry beaver” Mike is trying cut the fox down to a size which will fit in the oven. “she asleep?” “ yeah she was asleep before the hungry beaver had eaten his way through miss browns herb garden, I'm pretty shoer all kids books are about drugs or sex” she goes over to one of the boxes she had brought back from work, digs around in it and pulls a fox skin poncho out. She lays it on the floor folds it neatly then raps it in brown paper. Mike hacks at the fox with a knife trying to remove the hind legs and Tommy feeds the off cuts in to a hand crank mincer. “so how was work today” Emma turned to Tommy “insane I cant believe how many people leave shopping till Christmas eve. I sold my best stock weeks ago. next year I may hold some back for Christmas eve and up the price, oh and I even sold that gray material with the tea stains on”

at ten midnight Mike is still struggling. he has got all fore legs off and is now hacking away at the neck and Tommy is cutting the liver to make pate despite not know how pate is made. Emma finishes put up the plastic tree and stars untangling the faery light

two long hours later the three of them sit on a sofa which has been patch up with bits of fabric Emma can't sell. Mike has put the joint of fox meat in the oven and half calculated half guest it will be roasted perfectly by round about lunch time ish. Tommy had made shore no part of the fox had gone to waste  with a variety of dishes none of which look like they were meant to and Emma decorated the living room rap of robin's presents inclining the fox fur poncho from Mike and Tommy which she had spent hours making, and put all the presents under the tree. “well I'm ready for bed” Tommy get up goes to his room “me too” Emma head to the bath room to cleans here teeth and take off her make up off. Mike spreads out on the sofa pulls his blanket over him self and falls asleep. Emma walk across  the live room and in to her bed room. The bed crick  as she lay down. “Santa?” Robin rubs her eye, get out of bed and creeps to the living room. It light by faery light which as far as she know have just magically appeared along with a tree and tinsel and  baubles and presents. She fills her lungs with air then shout at the top of her voice “ wake up it Christmas”

door 19 building the river rat

at the moment i'm trying to build the river rat boutique in photoshop

the river rat was in my story nostalgia train and  is made up of tow parts the market where people buy second hand fabric  and the fitting room made out of shipping containers where a stylists will makes the fabric in to clothes  

so far i have the fitting room in but i think its going to be hart to get the market looking right

door 18:Neptune sketch

sketch in pencil and pen of neptunian architecture I'm going to add some colour and texture to this in photoshop and may make it available as a print because for a quick sketch i think it look dame good 

door 17 soundArt6 free mp3

SoundArt6.mp3

SoundArt1.mp3
SoundArt2.mp3
SoundArt3 (unfinished).mp3
SoundArt4.mp3
SoundArt5.mp3
www.xmas.com.mp3

door 16. chris de burghin lip stick,sound 5 free mp3

SoundArt1 SoundArt2 SoundArt3 (unfinished) SoundArt4 and

SoundArt5

for you to download for free

door 15: the good the Phat and ugly soundArt4

here is SoundArt4 good artwork phat music and a very ugly me

SoundArt1.mp3
SoundArt2.mp3
SoundArt3 (unfinished).mp3
www.xmas.com.mp3
don't forget to visit Hunchbakk's Hunchblog

door 14: phat friends-free mp3

hello my phat friends the list of free mp3s for you continues to grow today on the list already is  www.xmas.com, SoundArt1 and SoundArt2 you will never guess what next....
go on have a guess....
no idea. OK i will give you a clue. it starts with the letter S and end with the number 2

SoundArt3

 just in cases you had forgotten all the mp3 are my Huchbakk why not pop over to his blog and say hi

door13:spreadable and high it phat -soundArt2-free mp3

for you who mist it the first time round here is soundArt2 but i hate to think of all the people out there in the big scary wold who haven't herd the music of Hunchbakk so I'm asking you to not keep this phat (i told you yesterday i'm bringing it back) music to yourself . so fill free to share this links and direct people to the Hunchblog.

SoundArt2.mp3

SoundArt1.mp3

 www.xmas.com.mp3

door12:phatten up your ipod: soundArt1

i don't know if phat is still cool  but I'm bringing it back and oddly spelled words are not all I'm bringing back. over the next week i will be re posting the SoundArt (oddly spelled word) i have been work on with my brother hunchbakk (another oddly spelled word).
instead of our usual arrangement where i provide artwork to his completed music, me and hunchbakk have turned things on there heads with my art work leading his music.
here is the first art-track.

SoundArt1.mp3

& Hunchbakk's christmas single "www.xmas.com" can be download here

door 11: hospitalized

my sketches for hospital on Neptune with an venus figure sculpture in a hollow in front of it. goin to have another   building the other side of sculpture i'm thinking a school or library.  

door:scrapbook scrap 2:Escape Velocity

where to start: this is my first story i have written that both follow (pretty much) straight from one story (nostalgia train) and overlapping another (red stone) one aims mind when writing this was to link number of unlink story together so it was going to set on Phily rock whith Trench foot and will retiling there story to Arthur Foss (from Rock hopping and Phily rock) but i know dialog isn't my strong point and i don't thing jumping head first into a dialog driven story would was a good idea.

you mug: one thing that you will see popping up time and again in my distopeian scrapbook are the tramps tea room mugs. now it don't take a genius to work out that tramps tea room is influenced by a real world coffee house (you know the one) well one of my university house mate worked there and one day he ask me to help him take the old newspapers from said coffee house to the dump after loading the newspapers into his car he went back in a come out with two bin bag full of chip and broken mugs then he went back for more. they never made it to the dump and this mugs were use for everything in our house my hamsters even slept in one. it is this that inspired  me to have the ttr mugs moving round my universe.

pest control : i have been slipping in pigeon wherever i can and have tried to include genetically modified pest back story in previous story but it never fitted in right until now.
 pigeon in the past
"Mike takes the tray from his brother and starts to slurp the pigeon soup." (Nickabocka glory)
"prosecution to cull doorstep pigeons Rejected" (Political suicide)
"A number of pigeons fly down to the bin to check out its new contents"(dunk and cover)

Door9: DISTOPEIAN SCRAPBOOK:Escape Velocity

Escape Velocity

Trench foot's head was killing him the noise  was  unbearable he pulls his pillow tight over his head but it didn't really help. he gets out of bed and goes in to the living section. out of the windows he can see some of the other otuss. he walks through the kitchen  and in to the cockpit and sits down in the drive seat. out of the windows he can see the sky lark . A day after the 150 stolen otuss broke out of earths atmosphere two things happen one a large ship appeared on the long range radar over the radio it was decided that the rogue fleet would switch to emergency power and t maneuver in to the ship's dragged stream. hitching a ride without the ship knowing But to do this they will need to keep radio silence. The other thing that happened was Trench foot and will started to here a cooing noise from under their floor. The nose was a familiar one that of the doorstep pigeon. this noise was what was giving trench foot a headache
The doorstep pigeon was a genetically modified pest. GMP was released by geneticists trying to stop would hunger but was brand by members of the UN and major share holders of companies in the food industry as environmental terrorists. Claiming that GMPs wood kill the food industry and billions of people wood loose there jobs. This motivated a group of workers from hydroponics food solutions to set fire to the GMP lab as a result the arsonists got 5 years in a penal colony and a number of the GMPs escaped . the doorstep pigeon was the fastest spreading of the GMP it had been engineered to lay up to 100 eggs a day about 20 fertilized 80 unfertilized which they lay of anywhere warm enough to incubate there eggs. from the point of view of the pigeon the unfertilized eggs act as a decoy for predators and food for there chicks. From the view of humans the unfertilized egg are a basic diary staple.
Trench foot stares out the windows at the large floating rock and small outss.will enters the cockpit “Want a cup of tea?” “that would be grate thanks” will go into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Will comes back in with to mugs of dandelion tea one in a tramps mug the other in a smaller ship issue mug. the two of them sit there looking out for any landmarks so they can work out where they are but the sky lark blocks most of the view. weeks past without much happening they ate, they sleep and they watch. Till one day a red orb start to appears from behind the side of the sky lark like an sideways sun rises. The sky lark moved in to orbit around mars and a fleet of ships left its hanger and headed for mars. Once they shrink and disappear into the red orb  one by one the lights in the windows the hand full of otuss visible out of the front windows  turn off once all the lights will flicks a switch and all the lights on the ship turn off. This was a prearranged signal. When it reaches outss at the back of the group they switch on to full power and they accelerate out of the sky lark's drag stream. As outss pulled away from sky lark's influence the radio burst in to life. A feeling of relief come over Trench foot for weeks he was stuck talking to will who could and would spend hours talking about subjects Trench foot couldn't start to understand like the possible link between hyper light and dark matter, or  longevity escape velocity. And when he had a moment to his self there was still the unbearable noise of the pigeons. Now the radio was back on he could have a conversation he could understand and maybe someone my have a good idea how to get red of the pigeons.
The fleet moves like a swam of bugs around the asteroids of  the main belt focusing  in on a large object on the long range radar as they get closer it comes in to sight. they move closer still and the small gray shape turns to one of the most recognizable ships in space history the heliks .

door 8: bags of fun????????

when i go out walking i often see bag hanging in bushes and tree. now i think we know what is it these bags. walking past one of these bag the other day i had an idea for a new sadistic reality game show . what if someone put keys in some of these bags of dog poo and one of those keys open a safe containing an obscene amount of money and contestants would have to go through poo bags all over the country looking for the right key.

then i thought who is odder me for having this idea or the person who picks up after there dog then hangs it in a tree instead of putting it in a bin.

door 7 : The bronze goddesses

in August i had some work on display at bar form and i gave out a mini comic and now here for you is a web friendly copy of it ( thats right no page tuning or risk of paper cuts)

click image to see full size

door 6 : gold, frankincense and shoe?

for the last time this blogmass I'm adding to my shop. i hope you haven't found a week of me trying to sell you stuff to irritating and hay we know Christmas was invented of selling shoes mugs and frankincense. so here is my river rat boutique shoes

river rat boutique shoes

there not long left to order for Christmas (10th) so better get a move on if you what some thing from my zazzle or redbubble in time to get it under that tree.

ok now i promise i won't try to sell you any till next year.

door 5:full tramps breakfast

the full tramps tea room range is now in my zazzle shop

tramps tea room Keychain,Bag,badge,Apron,shoes and mug,

what a joy full christmas you could give someone if you get them the full range. they could spend the morning wearing there tramps tea room shoes,Apron and badge. drinking tea out of there tramps tea room mug and eating there breakfast out of there tramps tea room bag.

door 4:stocking up

continuing stocking up my new zazzle shop to day i have add two badges a tramps tea room badge and a river rat boutique badge.

tramps tea room badge by ianbyfordart

river rat boutique badge by ianbyfordart

now enough of the shop for today i think it's time i stuck up a painting

next: painted with any paint i could fined and slap on a canvas until i could see some thing in it

because i love a bit of slap dash. oh there's also a page from a a to z under all that paint

door 3: my turkey is eating my shoes

it now the 3 day of December and the more organized of you will have finished your Christmas shopping and put your feet up by the fire but this is my blogmass shopping week so im going to try and sell you some shoes to put on those feet.

tramps tea room shoes by ianbyfordart

that right to go with your TTR mug and apron .

and don't forget to donwlord your free Hunchbakk mp3 www.xmas.com

as you look at the cover of Hunchbakks christmas single i can tell you are all thinking the same thing "i hope there's a pair of tramps tea room shoes in that box !"

door 2: we're cooking with gas

day one of blogmass went well now lets do it all again and maybe throw in a free mp3 from Hunchbakk this time.

yesterday i launched my new zazzle shop and brought back the tramps tea room mug . today i am adding a very important accessory to the Tramps tea room mug, the tramps tea room apron because everyone knows it's very dangerous to drink hot tea when naked so it's always a good idea to put on an apron so you don't burn your jiggly bits!

tramps tea room Apron by ianbyfordart

and to help you get in the festive mood my brother Hunchbakk has put his christmas single back online www.xmas.com. so don't forget to go over to the hunchblog to say thank you to Mr Hunchback for the mp3 and see what else he is up to.

as you look at the cover of Hunchbakks christmas single i can tell you are all thinking the same thing "i hope there's a tramps tea room apron in that box !"

door 1: advent calendar are for mugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yes it blogmass! what a perfect time for the return of the Tramps Tea Room mug now available in my shiny new zazzle shop which i will be add to all this week

Tramps tea room mug by ianbyfordart

isn't the Tramps tea room mug so beautiful that it need to be immortalized in art