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Friday, 25 December 2009


Grunt walks in to tramp tea room . Members of staff are moving tables from in front of the stage. Grunt stands at the bar and looks around the room. Elizabeth looks up from the dj both and spots Grunt waiting at the bar. She dashes across the room to serve him. He orders a Mccarthy, a coffee with a shot of vodka and takes it over to a seat in the corner of the room. Behind him on the wall was a poster which reads
“Tramp's Christmas tea dance
The fingersmiths
Monet for nothing
sketches by Boz
with dj sets
hot flush
Christmas day
band start at 8:00pm
free entry before 7:00 ”
grunt takes a clickbord out of his bag and clicks through mug shots then through a series of  gynoids specifications. Grunt chucks the clickbord back in his bag .
The Fingersmiths enters the tea room the, three piece band cary their instruments over to the stage. Elsie The Fingersmiths bass player and vocalist leans on the dj both “hay Liz do you want us to set up for the sound check.” Elizabeth looks up from a bag of music on various formats. “ go ahead” Elsie looks over at grunt “whose that guy with the tattoo” Elizabeth stacks some cassettes by her tape deck “he's a bounty hunter he use to come in a lot when the otus factory was round the corner to catch people trying to jump planet” grunt nurses his drink and keeps an eye on the staff. he recognizes Elizabeth and marry but it was new stuff he was interested in. he was tracking down gynoids and a number of them had been found working minimum wage jobs. It was thought they were there to direct newly awaken gynoids to an underground collective. grunt was far from happy about his assignment for a start it was Christmas but Effecter holds the opinion that Christmas comes round once a metric year and not every 365 days. Every time a Christmas comes round the arguments start as to when Christmas is. as always it was the religious who are the most argumental. the Catholics insisted that it should fall once a solar year this is why in most Catholic house holds the crucifix is accompanied by an old fashioned clock.where as the pagan church of Christ believe Christmas should be celebrated on the winter solstice. Other like the quakers wanted to forget about Christmas stating that it had be come inseparable from greed. Marry walks over to Grunt's table with an ink pad and a small rubber stamp. “stamp your hand?” grunt holds out his hand “i like your new tattoo where did you get it done ?” “Tokyo” “oh so that's where you've been how was it?” “i got stabbed. then I got drunk, very drunk. then I woke up with this on my neck. I don't even know what it says” “well I hope you have a better time tonight” she stamps his hand leaving a blue, blurry smiley face on it. soon people start coming through the door  regular intervals. Grunt didn't really know were to start on this job he's use to tracking down scum bags. This thing he is hunting are not scum and  they don't leave a trail of piss off associates and victims to follow. Then a guy come in wearing a t-shirt with the anti gynids slogan “ I don't dream of electric sheep!” grunt walks over to him and offers to buy him a drink.
 As sketches by Boz start there last song Elsie scribbles a set list down on the back of three flyers and hands them  to her band mates. Elizabeth runs past them and in to the dj both. Elsie heads over to the bar to get in a round.
Grunt and his new friend sit at a table “thats her the redhead” Grunt slides his hand in to his bag and pulls out his ClickBord and checks the gynoids specifications again. he finds the ones with red hair. As far as he can tell from across the room her measurements matched that of a shipment of Ten gynoids that when missing from Felixstowe container port on root to a sewage treatment plant in Australia. He puts the ClickBord back and watches the redhead. Looking for any sines that she may not be human. “she is one of those things isn't she I knew she was” Grunt turns to the guy sharing his table “why are you still here” he looks a bit hurt then gets up and walks away. Grunt attention goes back to the redhead. Monet for nothing take to the stage. the crowd in front of the stage grows and block his view so Grunt sits back and enjoys his coffee.
Monet for nothing finish there last song and pack up there kit. The fingersmiths start setting up as soon as Monet for nothing are off. The music stops Elsie stands at the front of the stage with her bass “ hi we are the fingersmiths but I think most of you know that because we share a squat in Chelsea with hath of you” a group at the front of the crowd cheer “ so you will have herd as practicing this all week this is the story of peg leg joe” the band start playing
grunt gets up and goes to the bar he see the redhead slipping out the back door. he jumps over the bar and bursts out the back door she starts to run as soon as she sees him. He chases her through the streets. She was faster then him but not enough to lose him. She turns sharply into Waltham abbey tube station and jumps the gate. Grunt turns into the station and pauses for a second he heres her running down the escalator he jumps the gate and thunders down the escalator. At the bottom he step on to the platform and comes face to face with the gynoid “sorry I have to take you in” as he reaches for his handcuffs something hits him across the back of the head and he falls to the floor .the gynoid steps over grunts unconscious body and hug the almost identical gynoid  that had just hit grunt with a large spanner the only differences in appearance being shorter hair and a missing foot. “it good to see you joe”
grunt sits up holding his head. As the train pulls in at Haymarket Newcastle but at least it wasn't tokyo  and he only had a concussion and not a new tattoo


happy Christmas everyone
and thank you for reading my blog

1 comment:

  1. took me a while to get round to reading this but realy enjoyed it!!

    i love the injokes and references,, can't believe the tea room is located at a waltham abbey and love the android sheep tee shirt, is there gonna be one of them in the store??

    thankfu;;y i only came back from tokyo with a handful of souvineers and bizarre sweets. no tattoos for me

    so, do i get a co-writing credit for Monet For Nothing?? what a great name for a band!!